Why Good Friends Are Hard To Come By? (13 Reasons)

Updated On: December 24, 2022

Tired of searching for true friends but finding “casual friends only?” Here are 13 reasons why good friends are hard to come by in your life.


good friends are hard to come by featured

Question. What’s your experience with friendships in life?

Do most of your friends stick with you through thick and thin? Or Do they mostly use you and throw you away after fulfilling their selfish motives?

If it’s the latter, you haven’t experienced true friendship until now!

Now you might say, “I am a bubbly personality, and I’ve made many friends while searching for a true friend but can’t seem to find any. Why?”

It’s because good friends are hard to come by.

In this post, I’ll share 13 reasons why good friends are hard to come by. The reasons will help you realize why it takes so much effort to look for true companionship in life.

Let’s dive right into it.

Why Do You Even Need Friends?

It’s a common question we all ask ourselves at one point or another in our lives: Why do we even need friends? They don’t make much difference in our lives, Right?

Friends make our lives extremely better.

Friends are essential to our mental and emotional wellness. They provide us with support, love, and laughter when we need it most. They help us get through tough times and celebrate our successes with us.

Well, for one thing, friends give us a sense of belonging. We all feel like we belong somewhere, and friends help us complete that feeling. They make us feel accepted and valued, which is incredibly important.

Friends also help us to stay connected. They keep us from feeling alone and isolated. Research has even shown that better social relations link to positive life satisfaction. Another study showed that people with stronger social connections have a 50% more likelihood of survival than those who don’t.  

So, the next time you’re feeling down or questioning why you need friends, just remember how important they are to your happiness and wellbeing. They really do make a difference in our lives!

What’s the Point of Making Friends When They Come and Go?

It’s not the good stuff but the good people that make your life worth living. 

I’m sure you’ve been there before. You meet someone new, hit it off great, and become friends. Then, for whatever reason, that friendship fades away. It’s not that you don’t like each other anymore. It’s just that you don’t see each other as much. Life gets in the way.

After experiencing such a situation multiple times, you might wonder, “What’s the point of making friends when they leave you?”

So, yeah, it sucks when friends come and go. But, the time for which they’re into your life creates beautiful lifelong memories. 

They offer you incomparable companionship. You know there’s someone always there to accompany you. 

You can watch a movie alone, but having a friend makes the experience enjoyable. You can eat alone but having someone to eat with you and have a chit-chat makes the food more delightful.

As it’s said, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Some friends stick with you till the end too! Not everyone leaves.

So, Don’t give up on making new friends. The more friends you have, the more likely you’ll find some that stick around for the long haul.

13 Reasons Why Good Friends Are Hard To Come By

1. People Are Self-Centered.

People are self centered

Good friends are hard to come by nowadays because people are becoming more and more self-centered. 

They’re always looking out for themselves and their interests and don’t really care about anyone else. If they feel they won’t gain something from you, they don’t bother you.

Further, Everyone is so focused on their own lives and problems that they don’t have the time or energy to invest in friendships. And even when they have the time, they’d rather spend it on themselves than others.

If you’re looking for true friendship, you might need to look beyond your usual social circles. Seek out people who are different from you and willing to invest time and energy into the relationship.

2. Not Everyone Is Compatible With You.

Birds of a feather flock together. 

You might often wonder why good friends are hard to come by in your life. After all, you’re a great person with a lot to offer. But the truth is, not everyone is compatible with you. And that’s okay.

We love spending time with people that are similar to us. 

We all have different personality types, interests, and values. And not everyone is going to mesh well with you. Further, if someone doesn’t blend well with you, you can’t be their good friend.

For example, you might be the type of person who is outgoing and likes to be around people. So, if you meet someone shy and introverted, you won’t click.

Don’t get discouraged if you don’t connect with everyone you meet. It’s totally normal. Just keep meeting new people. Eventually, you might even find your soul tribe.

3. You Seek Friends From a Scarcity Mindset.

It’s easy to get caught up in the mindset that you need to find friends because you don’t have any. You see other people with their friends and feel left out. You think that you need to find friends to be happy.

What happens next?

You start searching for friends, make a few of them, but realize they don’t have the characteristics of a true friend.

So, why does it happen? Why do you only make casual or fake friends when looking for real ones?

All because of your scarcity mindset!

When you approach people while begging for friendship and seeking support, you allow everyone to be your friend. You don’t try to identify whether the other person is good for you or not. And settle for less. Finally, you end up getting a few casual friends only.

Next time, try approaching friendships from an abundance mindset. 

Don’t see yourself as someone begging for companionship and support. Instead, see yourself as someone with a lot to offer and look for others who can add value to their life.

When you approach friendships from an abundance mindset, good people come into your life, and you’re more likely to find and keep lasting, meaningful relationships.     

4. Life’s a Hell Lot Busier Nowadays.

Life's a Hell Lot Busier Nowadays.

In our fast-paced, modern world, it’s often difficult to find time to slow down and connect with others. As a result, good friends are hard to come by.

It’s not that people don’t want to be friends. It’s just that they don’t have the time. With work and family commitments taking up so much time, it’s hard to find time to socialize or just hang out with friends.

Further, when people actually get time, they spend it with their family or recharge themselves by doing what they love rather than searching for friends.

5. You’re Waiting for Some Good Friends To Appear in Your Life Magically.

Good friends are hard to come by if you don’t try searching for them and expect them to appear out of thin air. 

You want to stay in your comfort zone and let them come into your life automatically. But that’s not how it works. 

You must be willing to reach out and get to know new people. You must be open to new experiences and willing to invest time and energy to nurture your relationships.

Friendships take work, and if you’re unwilling to put in the effort, you’ll never find the friends you’re looking for.

6. You Aren’t Willing To Make the First Move.

Anything in life worth having is worth working for.

~Andrew Carnegie

One of the biggest reasons you lack good friends in life is because you are unwilling to make the first move.

You’re always waiting for someone else to approach you, but that rarely happens. And even when it does, you’re so shy that you can’t hold a conversation.

You don’t want to put yourself out there because you’re afraid of rejection. But the truth is, if you’re not willing to take that risk, then you’ll never find the friends you’re looking for. 

The key is to find a balance. You don’t want to be too forward or too shy. You want to be approachable and friendly without being overbearing.

Start by being more open and friendly to people. Smile more, say hello to people, and strike up conversations. Don’t be afraid to be the first to reach out and invite someone to hang out. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you’ll find good friends.

7. People Are More Inclined Towards Digital Friendships.

People are inclined towards digital friendship.

With the advent of social media, people have become more comfortable communicating online rather than in person. Further, This has led to a decrease in face-to-face interactions and a corresponding increase in online interactions.

While social media has made it easier for people to connect (who would’ve otherwise never met) and become friends, online friendships have drawbacks too:-

First, They can be less satisfying than real-life friendships. When you interact with someone online, you miss out on necessary nonverbal cues, such as body language and tone of voice. Hence, it becomes difficult to know someone and build a deep, meaningful friendship.

Second, Online friendships can be less reliable than real-life ones. People can easily misrepresent themselves online, making it difficult to know if you can trust someone you’ve only met online.

If you want to make good friends, you must strike a balance between online and real-life interactions. 

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket and completely rely on social media to make friends. Instead, use social media to supplement your real-life interactions. Use it to connect with people you wouldn’t otherwise meet, but don’t forget to nurture your real-life friendships.

8. You Expect Way Too Much.

There might be a few good friends around you already, but you may not have noticed them! 

It is because you expect too much from someone who you can give the tagline of a good friend. 

You expect a true friend to always be there for you, have your back, and stay honest with you. You want them to live their life according to you. You want them to always agree with you and never get mad at you. But that’s not how it works. People can’t be perfect as you want. 

Even the best of your friends let you down sometimes. You must learn to accept that and be okay with it.

9. People Don’t Want the Friendship Drama Anymore.

I’m sure you’ve experienced the dreaded friendship drama before. 

You know, when your friend says something you disagree with, suddenly both of you’re not speaking to each other. Or when they do something that hurts your feelings, you just keep thinking about it all day long and can’t let it go. 

Friendship drama can be exhausting, and it’s one of the main reasons why some people don’t want to be friends with anyone anymore. They can’t handle the constant fighting and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with it.

10. People Are Too Judgemental.

Good friends are hard to come by because people are too judgemental these days. Finding someone willing to take the time to get to know you is hard. They judge you by your looks, clothes, car, job, or anything else they find about you on the planet.  

They see you as either good or bad; if they think you’re bad, they don’t want to be your friend. They don’t get to know you or give you a chance, Period.  

When you try to reach out to such people, they assume you’re clingy and desperate without even knowing you. Further, they kick you out of their lives in a second without second thought or any explanation.

11. You Are Ineligible To Be Someone’s Good Friend.

People are intanglibe to be someone's good friend.

Think about it – What kind of friend are you?

Are you really there for your friends in their time of need? Or Do you just reach out to them when you’re in need and shed them off when they come for help?

If you’re the latter, Good friends are hard to come by in your life because you’re ineligible to be a true friend yourself. 

You might think that you’re a great friend, but the truth is, you’re not. You’re self-centered, manipulative, and always looking for ways to take advantage of your friends.

It sounds too harsh, but it would help you realize the reality if you are unaware of it.

Till now, you might be living in a false belief that you’re just a victim of bad luck when searching for good friends when your toxic behavior could be pushing people away.

It’s time for you to take a good, hard look at yourself. You have to realize that you’re the problem. And you’re the only one who can fix it. You need to grow up and start being the friend that you wish you had.

12. You Are Too Picky.

Good friends are hard to come by if you’re too particular. You might have a list of qualities your potential friends must have, and if they don’t meet those criteria, you write them off.

But the truth is, nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws, and that’s what makes us interesting and unique.
So instead of being so picky, why not give people a chance? Get to know them and see if they have the potential to be a good friend. 

You might be surprised by how well you get along with someone who doesn’t check all the boxes on your list. Life is too short to waste time being picky about your friends. 

Loosen up, take a chance, and see what happens. You might just find the friend of your dreams.

13. People Have Painful Past Stories Keeping Them From Close Friendships.

People Have Painful Past Stories Keeping Them From Close Friendships.

It’s no secret that everyone has a past. And often, that past can be quite painful. 

Whether it’s something that happened to us or something we did, our past can haunt us and make it difficult to form close friendships.

For some people, the pain is so great they find it difficult to even let people in. They build walls and push people away, thinking it’s better to be alone than to risk getting hurt again.

Some of those people might be really good at heart and have the capability of becoming astonishing friends. But it’s hard to break their walls and truly know them.

End of the Line

Good friends are hard to come by doesn’t mean there aren’t any!

Many people are willing to accept you the way you are and offer you the companionship you’re longing for.

Don’t give up and keep searching for people who can be your good friends. Finally, once you find them, never let them go. Hold onto them forever and create the best memories of life.

I hope you find a true friend soon.



Varun Pahwa

Varun Pahwa

Hi! I am Varun. I created Uprisehigh for you to share your life story & get answers to all your life problems. As your best friend, I'm committed to inspire you, simplify your life, and help you grow. Let's stick together on this beautiful life journey, mate!


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