Do you quickly fall for everyone and become friends with them, but their friendships disappoint in the end?
Let me guess. You put massive efforts into the friendship and support your friends by all means but get backstabbed in the end. Either you hear them saying wrong about you, catch them using you, or find them cheating on you.
You might often wonder – Why does it happen even when you give your 100% in the friendship?
It’s because not everyone is your friend! Some people are frenemies that are there just for selfish reasons.
Without any further ado, let’s dive into the post where I’ll tell you seven reasons why frenemies are there in your life, signs to identify them, and how to deal with them.
If Not Everyone Is Your Friend, Why the Hell Are They With You? (7 Reasons)
Be careful who you trust and tell your problems. Not everyone who smiles at you is your friend.
I want you to question your friendships and look closely at them.
You’ll be shocked to realize that not everyone is your friend. There are snakes in your life always ready to bite you. These people pretend to be your true friends but are actually enemies. And that’s why we call them frenemies.
You might wonder:-“Why are those frenemies in my life if they don’t want a real friendship?”
So, here are the seven reasons:-
1. To Exploit You.
There is something that is unfortunately too common in our society. We are so used to people being there for us that we often forget that not everyone is our friend.
Therefore, some people fake being your friends, find a way to get close to you, and use you for their gain. They take advantage of your prosperity, generosity, kindness, and trust without bothering about your emotions.
Such people never have your best interests at heart. And they leave you as soon as their demand gets fulfilled.
2. To Seek Emotional Support From You.
Everyone’s life has problems.
To share those problems and vent your feelings, you require some emotional support, Right? You want someone to be there as a listening ear, at least.
That’s why you make friends.
You expect your friends to be there for you in your time of need just like you’re there for them. Sometimes it doesn’t happen!
Some people become your friends just to get emotional support for you. Their lives are full of negativity, and they can’t hold onto it anymore, so they keep ranting in front of you.
These people are constantly asking for your time, energy, and attention. But, they never take the time to give anything back. They don’t hear your problems or be there for you when you’re stuck in a situation.
Friendship with them is just a one-way street where they always beg for support, and you offer it.
3. To Be Your Silent Competitor.
You may think that your friends won’t ever compete with you. After all, they’re your closest confidants, and you trust them implicitly.
Well, you may get disappointed if your friend is actually a frenemy because frenemies are silent competitors.
These people are always one step ahead of you because, as friends, they have insights into all your strategies, so they keep improvising on them. They feel jealous if you achieve anything in life.
They’re the ones who know more than you do and who can do things better than you. Further, they distract you from your goals while working hard to achieve theirs.
4. To Pull You Down.
You make friends expecting they will lift you when you get down and support you in your success journey, Right?
However, things don’t always go as expected! Sometimes, the universe sends frenemies your way as a challenge.
They are an opposing force in your life, constantly dampening your spirit. They suck your motivation and energy. Further, they also distract you from your goals by continually taking up your time.
Such people also play the role of “naysayers” who keep telling you that you shouldn’t try new things or take risks. They try their best to make you believe that most of your dreams are impossible to achieve.
5. To Pass Their Free Time With You.
You may be a hard-working person consistently working to achieve goals, and that’s brilliant. Thus, your work ethic could make you feel that everyone’s busy improving themselves.
That’s not true!
A lot of people prefer wasting their time and chilling out over doing something that helps them grow. They hate getting out of their comfort zone.
When you become friends with such people, they spend time with you just to pass their time. They call you or hang out with you when they’re bored. They may hear your opinions but never take you seriously.
It just feels like the emotional connection is missing. They don’t care about you or your well-being and just use you for your company.
6. To Make You A Meme Material.
Frenemies just can’t live without making fun of others. Embarrassing others is their primary source of entertainment.
If you have frenemies, they may be with you because they love to make jokes about you that make them look cool. They may do so behind your back or even in front of you. They feel that if they’re your friends, they have the freedom to speak anything about you.
They don’t care about your feelings but consider you a toy to play with and make them laugh. Once they get bored, they throw you away.
7. To Take Revenge.
Not everyone is your friend. Some people are frenemies looking to take revenge on you for whatever reason.
Have a good look around you – Is anyone in your life always looking for a reason to take revenge? Do they seem to harbor deep-seated anger that they seem unable to control?
Whether you hurt them or just because they’re pissed off, these people can be a real pain in the ass. It feels like they’re constantly trying to make your life difficult. They don’t forget or forgive you. They’ll do anything to get back at you, and you’ll never know when or where they’ll strike.
You might not even spot these frenemies because they are really soft-spoken. They pretend to be your close friends to extract the information they need to take revenge. Further, when the right time comes, they attack.
7 Clear Signs That Tell Someone Is a Frenemy
If most of these signs apply to any of your friends, higher chances are they’re a frenemy:-
1. They Talk Behind Your Back.
Do you feel some of your friends might not be as good as they seem? Have you heard them talking shit behind your back?
If yes, they may not be your friend. Instead, they may be a frenemy.
Frenemies are a thorn in the side. They are great in front of you, but when you’re not around, they gossip and spread rumors about you. They love back-bitching and are experts at it. They create a poor fake image of you in front of others and tarnish your reputation.
2. They Steal Your Ideas.
If you’re like most people, you must have tons of goals and ideas that you want to accomplish.
Where your true friends and family members support you in your success journey, your frenemies steal your ideas and take them away. It can harm your progress and make it harder for you to achieve your goals. It can also lead to frustration and decreased motivation.
But how do they steal?
I’ll tell you.
Firstly, your frenemies get to know your goals and “future plans” by asking what you will do in life.
Once they get comfortable with you, they talk about something you plan to work on and say something negative about your idea. They may tell you that you can’t do it or it’s not a good idea. Before you realize it, you’ve already lost interest.
Finally, they replicate your best ideas and start working upon them.
3. They Enjoy Your Failures.
It’s easy to differentiate between people who offer fake sympathy and those who genuinely care. Isn’t it?
So, how do your friends react when you fail? Do they help you rebound from the failure, or do they fake empathy and feel happy inside?
If it’s the latter, your friends may be frenemies.
Frenemies love it when you fail. They thrive on your weaknesses and take great pleasure in watching you stumble, fall, and suffer.
Frenemies enjoy your failures because they know you will never be able to live down a mistake. They know you won’t be able to hold yourself accountable and be vulnerable. Further, they use this knowledge to their advantage, knowing that you will never be able to defeat them.
4. Their Jokes Hurt You.
Usually, you have a great time together whenever you go out with your friends, Right?
But lately, have you noticed that a few of your friends have started making jokes that are just a little too mean?
You don’t know how to tell them they’re hurting you, so you just stay quiet and hope the joke will end. But it doesn’t, and the more you try to ignore it, the worse it gets.
Friends that always make offensive jokes about you may be your frenemies.
The way frenemies tease you affects your mood and makes you feel insecure. They could make fun of you over any topic, be it sensitive like disabilities, mental health, weight, body size, ethnicity, race, etc. They negatively affect your emotions and self-image and do their best to humiliate you.
5. You Can Feel Their Jealousy.
There’s no denying it – your frenemies are downright envious of you. They feel like no matter what they do; they can’t have anything better than you.
Frenemies are out there just out to get you. They’re always jealous of what you have, what you’re doing, and how successful you are. They want to be just like you but can’t quite catch up.
Frenemies are never satisfied. They always want more, and they never appreciate what they have. They’re always looking for something to gripe about and never be content with what they have.
6. They Don’t Support You at All.
We make friends with people we think will be supportive. We expect them to be there in our time of need, Right?
Unfortunately, it isn’t always the case. Good friends are hard to come by. Not everyone is your friend, and a few of your friends could be frenemies.
Frenemies don’t support you. They don’t offer words of encouragement or help you get through tough times. They only care about themselves and what they can get from you.
Also, When you’re down, frenemies make things worse. They don’t offer any consolation or support. They leave you all alone in the battles of life, no matter how much you’ve always supported them.
7. They Don’t Miss a Chance To Embarrass You.
Frenemies take any opportunity to embarrass you in public, no matter how irrelevant the topic may seem.
Whether it’s making fun of your clothes or commenting on your weight, they always want to make a joke and get a reaction.
Frenemies try to get you to do things you don’t want to or say things you don’t want to. They love to make fun of your quirks and habits.
That’s not all. Your frenemies enjoy reminding you how much they know about you and how much better they are than you. They try to make you look like an idiot or feel stupid in your friends’ group, so they look good and become the center of attention.
Finally, when you tell them to stop because you’re feeling uncomfortable, all they say is, “Calm down, buddy! I was just kidding.”
How To Deal With Frenemies? (7 Quick Tips)
Ending the relationship with your frenemies is one of the wisest ideas. I mean, if their friendship makes you feel bad, there’s no point in holding onto them, Right?
However, due to any reason, if you don’t want to cut off completely, here are a few tips to deal with your frienemies:-
1. Maintain Distance.
You may have spent much time with your frenemies recently, thinking they’re a “good friend” and you could be attached to them. Thus, Keeping a healthy distance from them may be difficult even when you know their reality.
But you must realize that staying away from your frenemies is essential for overall happiness.
Too much contact with frenemies can lead to tension and conflict and ultimately hamper your productivity and well-being. They can drain your energy and cause you to become embroiled in situations that you may not be able to handle.
Start by lowering the frequency of how often you meet your frenemies. Spend lesser time with them and engage in a more productive task that helps you grow. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to unnecessary daily hangouts with them.
2. Don’t Lower Yourself to Their Level.
It can be hard to resist the temptation of taking revenge when you’ve identified your frenemies. After all, they used your and treated you poorly, Right?
But lowering yourself to their level won’t help your cause. In fact, it’ll only make things worse.
When you react to a frenemy in a way they behave, you’re only reinforcing that behavior. You’re telling them that their actions are acceptable and that you’re willing to go along with them. It doesn’t do you any favors, and you end up wasting time trying to replicate them.
Further, if you’re mean to them in public, the people around you may think that you aren’t a good person to be with. Ultimately, It spoils your reputation, which isn’t worth it.
3. Don’t Let Them Fool You.
Frenemies are an expert at faking themselves. They look and sound really sweet but are bitter from the inside.
Once they notice that you’ve started maintaining distance from them, they may pretend that they care for you and are your best friends. But don’t just fall into their traps.
All the support and love from their side is temporary, and they would wear their original poor persona once they get you back in their lives. Further, they would use you to the fullest until they get what they want.
Whenever you start falling for your frenemies, remember the original face that lies behind their mask. Don’t miss out on the fact that not everyone is your friend. You’ll figure out “how to react” on your own.
4. Treat Them as Acquaintances.
For some people, it’s hard to set boundaries for friendships. If you’re one of them, you may be unable to set limits for your frenemies.
To fix this problem, you just need to follow one tip – treat your frenemies as acquaintances.
Don’t let your frenemies get too close to you. Don’t let them involve in your “personal” matters. Be careful while having conversations with them. Learn to say “no” without being rude. Your actions must clearly show that you aren’t willing to let them become your close friend at any cost.
5. Avoid Gatherings With Them.
As I’ve told you before, frenemies don’t miss a chance to make you feel inferior in public, especially when you’re in a group of friends.
So, the best way to avoid such situations is to prevent attending friends gathering with them.
Try to meet or hang out with them only when it’s no one else and just both of you. If they ask you to attend friend gatherings, try making an excuse that you’re busy and postpone the plan.
Always remember, you’re worthy of getting respect. Don’t let anyone humiliate you.
6. Use a Magic Trick When They Make Fun of You.
Frenemies have a habit of making hurtful jokes.
But I’ve got a stunning trick that would play “UNO reverse” on them. I mean, they’ll feel humiliated and annoyed themselves.
Here’s what you have to do:
The next time your frenemies make a hurtful joke, pretend like you didn’t listen to it and speak the statement – “Sorry, What did you just say?”
Most of the time, they won’t repeat the joke, but if they do, repeat the same statement. And BAM! They’ll keep their mouth shut.
7. Don’t Reveal Your Secrets.
It can be tempting to share your secrets with your friends, but doing so may not be a good idea if the other person is your frenemy.
Whether it’s an embarrassing event or your weaknesses, if your frenemies know too much about you, they can use that information to your disadvantage.
For example, if your frenemies know you’re prone to getting nervous in large crowds, they can take advantage of that fact to make things difficult for you when you’re at a large event.
Not everyone is your friend. So, keep your secrets to yourself if you want to avoid trouble. And if you’ve accidentally revealed your secrets to your frenemies, don’t sweat it- just make sure not to let them use that information against you.
End of the Line
Always keep the fact in mind that not everyone is your friend.
You don’t have to become friends with everyone. The quantity of friends doesn’t guarantee happiness; quality does.
Be selective about who you allow being a part of your life. Having the wrong people around you can make your life hell while having the right ones can make it heaven.
You choose how you want to live.