Imagine this: You and your friend, let’s call her Mary, have been inseparable for years. You’ve shared the ups and downs of life, laughed at countless jokes, and celebrated special occasions together.
But lately, something feels off! Mary regularly cancels plans to meet you. She responds with a half-hearted “that’s nice” when you share your achievements. Further, she seems distracted when you’re having deep conversations with her.
It’s like Mary’s unwavering support and encouragement have been replaced by indifference. Doubts and questions start creeping into your mind: “Does Mary really value me? Am I just an option for her?”
If this story sounds similar, you’re in the right spot. In this post, I’ll share 15 subtle signs your friend doesn’t value you and what you can do in such a scenario.
Unable to hold your patience anymore? Let’s dive right in.
Friendship Red Flags: 15 Surefire Signs Your Friend Doesn’t Value You
Friendships are supposed to be nurturing, supportive, and mutually fulfilling. They should uplift you and make you feel heard.
However, if you feel that one of your close friends has changed recently and your friendship is slowly fading, just look for these 15 confirmed signs they don’t value you:-
1. Your Friend Doesn’t Include You in Any Plans.
You hear your friend making weekend plans with a group of people and can’t help but feel anticipated that they will invite you along.
However, again and again, you end up in utter disappointment as your friend forgets to “include” you or makes excuses to exclude you from those plans.
So, do you often find yourself in a similar situation where you’re excited to spend time with your friend, but they always exclude you from their plans?
If so, unfortunately, it’s one of the clear signs your friend doesn’t value you.
Look. Occasional scheduling conflicts happen in every friendship, but if your friend constantly keeps you out of the plans, it’s time to pay attention. Their action clearly conveys: They don’t prioritize your presence or consider you a vital part of their social circle.
2. Your Friend Usually Makes Hurtful Comments or Teases You.
We all engage in a playful banter with our friends from time to time. It really makes the friendship fun and lighthearted. Isn’t it?
However, friendly teasing and hurtful comments are entirely different. It’s straightaway a red flag when your friend teases you demeaningly, targeting your insecurities.
So, let me ask you. How’s your friend’s behavior when the two of you are in a group? Do they always target you and make hurtful jokes about you to put you down?
If so, it’s a sign your friend doesn’t value you!
Over time, such derogatory comments can hamper your self-esteem and overall well-being. Your friend’s words should never hurt or make you question your worth.
3. They Lie to You.
Honesty is a cornerstone of a true friendship. It holds the relationship together.
But what if your friend constantly lies to you? Well, it’s a clear sign they don’t value you or your friendship. They are unafraid that their dishonesty might break ties.
Imagine this scenario: You catch your friend telling lies, whether they’re big or small. It could be about their whereabouts, actions, or emotions. Each time you spot a lie, it chips away your trust in your friend.
Lies don’t just break your trust in friendship but also create uncertainty and doubt. They leave you questioning the authenticity of your friend’s words and actions.
It’s emotionally draining to be in a friendship that lacks honesty.
4. They’re Unwilling to Resolve Any Conflicts.
See. Conflicts are natural in every relationship, be it friendships. Resolving them requires open communication, empathy, and willingness to work together.
When your friend constantly dismisses or avoids conflict, it might leave you feeling unheard, invalidated, and frustrated. Further, it creates an unhealthy dynamic where issues are left unresolved, leading to tension and resentment.
Think about it. What happens when you and your friend have a disagreement or a conflict?
Do they try solving the problem through a constructive conversation, or avoid the topic altogether and call it “unimportant?”
If it’s always the latter, it may be a sign your friend doesn’t value you and doesn’t prioritize the well-being of your friendship.
5. They’re Least Interested in Celebrating Special Events or Occasions With You.
We all have those special events like Birthdays, achievements, and milestones that we eagerly look forward to celebrating with our friends.
However, when you excitedly invite your friend to such an event, do they dismiss it or often come up with an excuse for being unable to attend? Have you seen them partying with someone else on the same day you invited them?
If so, it could be another sign your friend doesn’t value you.
In reality, true friends enjoy each other’s happiness and accomplishments. They go the extra mile to support and be there during special moments. But when your friend consistently shows disinterest and avoids such occasions, you might feel undervalued and unappreciated.
6. Your Opinions Are Often Ignored or Unheard.
Quick question. How does your friend respond when you discuss anything with them? Do they show interest in your opinions or disregard them straightaway?
If it’s the latter, it may be a sign your friend doesn’t value you!
Here’s the thing: In a healthy friendship, the thoughts and opinions of both parties are equally valued and respected. True friends create a safe space for open dialogue and meaningful conversations.
However, when your friend constantly ignores or dismisses your perspective, a one-sided dynamic is created where your thoughts and feelings are simply undervalued.
7. Your Friend Strictly Follows the “No Sorry, No Thank You” Rule.
You do something kind for your friend and expect a simple thank you. However, instead of expressing appreciation, they act as if your gesture wasn’t a big deal. Similarly, when they make a mistake or hurt your feelings, they don’t even apologize.
Do you resonate with this entire scenario?
If yes, it’s a powerful sign that your friend doesn’t value you!
Friendships thrive on mutual respect, appreciation, and accountability. Apologizing and expressing gratitude helps maintain a strong and balanced connection.
When your friend always refuses to say “sorry” or “thank you,” it creates a relationship imbalance and shows they don’t value you.
I agree there’s no need to be formal in friendship, but there are moments when you should apologize or express gratitude so things sail smoothly.
8. There’s a Huge Communication Barrier.
It feels like hitting a wall every time you try talking with your friend. They’re emotionally unavailable and uninterested in having deep and meaningful conversations.
You try to open up or seek support, but they lack genuine engagement and only give surface-level responses.
You’re the only one who reaches out while they don’t even bother dropping you a text.
If you resonate with the above scenario and feel that your friend shuts you down and creates distance with poor communication, it clearly indicates they don’t value you and don’t want to nurture the friendship.
9. They Gossip Behind Your Back.
True friends have each other’s back, respect privacy, and don’t speak negative stuff about each other, Right?
However, have you overheard a conversation or received information that your friend is spreading rumors and sharing your personal details without your consent?
If so, it’s a clear sign your friend doesn’t value you!
Such gossip breaks your trust and depicts that your friend doesn’t respect your feelings or personal boundaries.
A true friend who values you would always prioritize loyalty and confidentiality. They respect your boundaries and never engage in gossip behind your back that could harm your reputation or your friendship.
10. Your Friend Doesn’t Give a Damn About Your Life!
When you’re a good friend of someone, you take a genuine interest in their life. Don’t you?
Here’s the thing: Meaningful friendships are built on care, support, and genuine interest in each other’s lives.
But if your friend always shows a lack of interest or concern about what’s happening in your life, it’s a clear sign they don’t value you.
True friends actively engage in each other’s lives. They invest their time and energy in understanding each other’s goals, dreams, and struggles. Further, they show interest, offer a listening ear during hard times, and celebrate achievements together.
11. They’re Never by Your Side During the Hard Times.
Here’s a question for you. What happens when you call your friend for support during the hard times?
- Do they offer a listening ear or shoulder to lean on?
- Do they seem distant, uninterested, or completely unavailable?
If they’re always absent when you need them, it’s a powerful sign your friend doesn’t value you.
Genuine friends who truly value you stand by your side through thick and thin. They offer a compassionate presence, a helping hand, and a non-judgmental space to share your struggles.
12. They Criticize You Destructively.
You share your achievements, ideas, or endeavors with your friend, but rather than offering you constructive feedback, they tear you down with hurtful comments. They focus solely on your flaws and ignore your strengths and efforts.
Do you resonate with this entire scenario?
Yes? It may be a sign your friend doesn’t value you!
When your friend truly values you, they deliver constructive criticism with kindness and respect. They try to uplift you and encourage you while providing suggestions for growth.
However, if they don’t value your feelings, they destructively criticize you, which only demoralizes you.
13. They’re Always Taking, Never Giving.
Friendship is a two-way street in which both parties contribute, support, and give to each other.
However, do you feel that your friend is always taking, never giving? For instance, they reach out to you whenever they need any favor, financial support, or emotional support but run away when you seek the same.
If so, it may be a sign your friend doesn’t value you and is using you for their own benefit.
A true friend who values you understands the importance of equal giving and receiving. They appreciate your presence, value your contributions, and try to give back.
14. Your Friend Only Uses You as a Backup Option.
Do you often notice that your friend rarely initiates or shows interest in spending time together? However, when their friends are busy or cancel on them, your friend quickly reaches out to see if you’re available.
If so, it’s a sign your friend doesn’t value you and considers you a last resort.
When you are friends with a person who actually values you, they prioritize you and try to spend time together. Further, you’re the first person in their plans, not the last one on their list.
15. Your Friend Often Cancels or Reschedules Plans.
We all understand that life can get busy or unexpected events can arise, leading to plan changes.
However, if you feel your friend frequently cancels or reschedules plans without valid reason or your time consideration, it’s a clear sign they don’t value you.
In a genuine friendship where friends value each other, they honor commitments and prioritize quality time together.
What Can You Do When Your Friend Doesn’t Value You?
I know, mate. Finding out that your friend doesn’t value you is disheartening. After all, you gave all your efforts to nurture the friendship.
However, you must navigate this situation as early as possible. The longer you delay, the more you lose your value.
Here are seven steps you can take:-
1. Reflect on Your Feelings.
Firstly, you need to take some time to reflect on your emotions and the impact of your friend’s behavior on you. Understanding how their actions make you feel will help you approach the situation more wisely.
2. Speak Up.
Communicate honestly and openly with your friend. Express your feelings and share the instances where you felt undervalued. Perhaps, they may not be aware of their actions.
3. Set Boundaries.
Set clear boundaries that define what you want from the friendship. Tell them your needs and the behavior that you accept.
4. Observe How Your Friend Responds.
Pay attention to how your friend reacts to your needs. Do they improvise or change? A genuine friend shows a willingness to work on the friendship.
5. No Response? Make Distance!
If your friend doesn’t improve or dismisses your concerns, know that they aren’t your true friend and you deserve someone better than them. I know it would be challenging, but sometimes creating distance is the best option in the long run.
6. Surround Yourself With the Right People.
As you’ve maintained a distance from the previous friend, it’s time to find someone who actually values you, uplifts your spirit, and is ready to put equal efforts into the friendship (just like a soul family member or soul friend).
7. Self-Care Time!
Finally, prioritize your self-care and nurture your well-being. Engage in activities you enjoy, spend time with the people who value you, and focus on your growth.
Don’t forget. Nobody defines your worth except you.
End of the Line
So, there you have it! 15 signs your friend doesn’t value you.
Recognizing these signs may be tough, but it’s necessary for your overall well-being and evaluating the quality of friendships that you have in life. Remember that you deserve friends that support you and appreciate you.
It’s okay to let go of friendships that no longer serve you so you don’t suffer in the long run.
Friendship is a two-way street, so reflect on your actions too. Be the kind of friend you wish to have in life.
Embrace your value and create a life full of meaningful connections and joy.
Keep smiling, dear!
See you in the next post.