9 Steps to Follow When Your Family Turns Against You

Who celebrated your birth, understood you before you could even speak, and gave unconditional love? It’s your family, Right?

Family is often the cornerstone – a place you can turn to for support and love. You want them there no matter what. However, sometimes those you love most turn against you! It’s devastating and could leave you feeling alone and betrayed.

In case your family has turned on you, I’m here to help. I’ll share 9 steps to handle family estrangement that will help you repair the bond.

Let’s dive into it!

Step 1: Ensure It’s Not the Heat of the Moment.

You may feel overwhelmed when your family turns their back against you. And the urge to react impulsively is completely natural.

However, reacting impulsively in the heat of the moment may lead to irreversible damage to your relationship. Therefore, it’s better for you to wait until you’re in a calmer state of mind to make any decisions or conclusions.

So, before taking any action, ensure that your negative feelings towards your family aren’t simply the result of a heated argument or a temporary disagreement.

Try to detach yourself from the situation and analyze it objectively. You can also discuss the matter with a close friend or get someone else’s perspective.

Trust me. It’s okay to take time to process your emotions and thoughts before taking any action. 

Rushing to make a decision or conclusion will only cause you to act out of anger or frustration, leading to unintended consequences. 

Step 2: Confirm – Are They Actually Against You?

Once you’ve calmed down and can think clearly, the next step is identifying whether your family members are actually against you.

To help you make the correct conclusion, I’ve listed five common signs to help you understand it:-

1. Constant Criticism: You feel like your family members are constantly criticizing you, belittling your achievements, or always finding fault with what you say or do.

2. Refusal to Compromise: Your family members are unwilling to compromise or resolve the conflict.

3. Lack of Support: Your family members have stopped supporting you during challenging times.

4. Keeping Secrets: Your family members don’t share information about important family matters or exclude you from family events or activities, hence, trying to distance themselves from you.

5. Sudden Behavior Changes: Your family’s behavior towards you has suddenly changed, like they’ve become distant or unresponsive.

Step 3: Figure Out Why Your Family Is Against You.

Once you’ve confirmed your family is indeed against you, it’s vital to understand the exact reason behind their behavior.

To make it easier, I’ve listed five possible reasons why your family may be against you:

1. Betrayal: Family members may turn against you if they feel betrayed by you. This could include situations where you’ve lied or cheated to gain an advantage over others.

2. Different Preferences: Your family members may not approve of your lifestyle choices, such as your career, relationships, or hobbies.

3. Jealousy: Your family members may envy your accomplishments or lifestyle. Hence, they are turning against you.

4. Addiction: If you have a substance abuse problem or addiction, you may be shunned by other family members.

5. Past Mistakes or Actions: Your family members may hold a grudge or resent you for past mistakes or actions.

Step 4: Don’t Create a Bigger Mess.

Relationships with family members are deep-rooted, so it’s essential to maintain respect, even if there are disagreements or conflicts.

Once you have identified that your family has turned their backs against you and the reasons behind their behavior, it’s vital to avoid worsening the situation. Your relations are already strained and may break entirely with just one wrong move!

However, when emotions are running high, it’s easy to say things that we don’t mean or that we may regret later. So, you must pause, take a deep breath, and think before speaking or acting.

Remember:

Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

Avoid badmouthing or threatening your family at all costs because it may lead to long-term consequences. Reacting badly would only fuel the fire, making the situation even more difficult to handle.

Step 5: Ask Yourself – “Is My Family Right?”

When you’re shunned by your family, you might naturally turn defensive and feel you’re right and they’re wrong. 

But what if they’re actually right?

Ask yourself:

• Why do they feel this way? 
• What might be their concerns or reasons for behaving this way? 
• Are there any actions or behaviors on your part that might have contributed to this situation?

It’s vital to approach the situation with a broader perspective and try to put yourself in their shoes. 

If the conflict is due to a disagreement or difference in opinion, ask yourself if they have a valid point of view.

Obviously, this doesn’t mean you have to agree with your family, but it’s necessary to understand their side too.

Step 6: Talk to Your Family.

Now comes the time to solve the problem, and the best way is through open and honest communication. Talking to your family is one of the easiest ways to repair a sour relationship.

Well, I understand that things are tense, and you might be hesitant to have a conversation but trust me, this step can be a game changer.

In the beginning, it’s essential to prepare yourself mentally for the conversation. Take a deep breath, and try to calm your nerves. Think about what you want to say and how you want to say it.

Listen to your family’s point of view, and try to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. 

Avoid interrupting or dismissing their feelings, and try to find common ground. Communicate your own feelings and concerns calmly and respectfully.

Remember, the goal of the conversation is not to prove yourself right or win an argument. Instead, it’s to find a compromise that respects both parties’ opinions and feelings.

Don’t forget that your relationship is more important than being right!

If the conversation becomes heated or unproductive, it’s okay to take a break and revisit it later. Allow you and your family to cool down and approach the conversation with a fresh perspective.

Step 7: Rebuild the Relationship.

You’ve talked to your family and hopefully found a way to resolve your differences, Right? 

So, it’s time to focus on rebuilding the relationship. This step takes time and effort, but it’s worth it.

Start by being patient and understanding. It’s normal to feel hurt or resentful after a disagreement, but you must move past those feelings and focus on the present and future. 

Don’t dwell on the past or hold grudges. Instead, focus on positive interactions and find ways to connect with your family.

Moving ahead, make sure to spend quality time with your family. It can be as simple as having a meal together or going for a walk. The goal is to engage in activities that allow you to connect more deeply.

Another way to rebuild the relationship is to show appreciation and gratitude. Acknowledge your family members’ efforts and contributions, and express gratitude for their presence in your life. 

Small gestures can go a long way, such as sending a thoughtful message or giving a meaningful gift.

Finally, be consistent in your efforts to rebuild the relationship. Don’t just make an effort for a short period and then revert to old habits. 

Commit to maintaining a positive and healthy relationship with your family members. Keep the lines of communication open, and continue to engage in activities that strengthen your bond.

Step 8: In the Worst Case, Let Go.

I belong to the Indian society, and we consider it our last option to let go of our family (most of the time, it isn’t an option). 

So, I suggest you try multiple times if you can fix your relationship with your family. Don’t give up too soon!

However, despite all the efforts, if you feel the damage is too massive and your family isn’t willing to work toward a resolution, you can choose to let go.

I know giving up on a relationship, especially your family, is insanely difficult and painful, but unfortunately, it’s not always possible to repair every relationship. 

Sometimes, distancing yourself is the best decision for your own mental and emotional health.

If you find yourself in such a situation, take the time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Allow your emotions to flow, whether it be sadness, anger, or frustration.

Ultimately, the decision to distance yourself from your family is “personal,” and it’s up to you to decide what’s best for yourself.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Letting go doesn’t mean you must completely cut ties with your family member. You can still maintain civility and respect towards them while setting boundaries to protect your well-being. 

Step 9: Search for Your True Family.

If you had to give up on your family in this previous step (which I hope didn’t happen), you might feel you’re all alone.

But mate, it isn’t the truth!

Your true family or soul family is out there that may not be truly related to you by blood, but they’re surely related to you by heart. Just like me, they are the people ready to support and love you.

Your true family can be made up of friends, partners, mentors, or even kind strangers who helped you when you needed it the most. 
They’re the people who see the best in you and encourage you to be the best version of yourself. They’re the ones who will always have your back, no matter what.

Searching for your true family may take some time, but it’s worthwhile. 

Start by reaching out to people who have always been there for you, even during tough times. Join social groups or organizations that align with your interests and values. Volunteer for important causes, and you may find like-minded people who share your passion.

Remember that building relationships with your true family takes effort and time. Be patient, and you’ll soon find that you’ve created a community of people who love and support you for who you are.

How to Rebuild Trust With Your Family After they Have Turned Against You?

Do you feel you’re responsible for straining your relationship with your family?

If so, don’t worry! If your family loves you, they won’t hesitate to give you a second chance.

So, here are five steps you can take to rebuild trust with your family:-

1. Apologize and Take Responsibility.

If you have made a mistake that has caused your family to turn against you, it’s important to apologize and take responsibility for your actions. Acknowledge the hurt you may have caused and express your regret. Be sincere and genuine in your apology.

2. Listen and Understand.

It’s important to listen to your family’s perspective and try to understand where they’re coming from. Avoid getting defensive or dismissive of their feelings. Listen with an open mind and heart.

3. Be Proactive.

Take the initiative to repair the relationship. Don’t wait for your family to come to you. Instead, be proactive in reaching out to them and trying to rebuild the relationship. Show your family that you value their relationship and are willing to put in the work to repair it.

4. Follow Through on Your Promises. 

If you’ve made promises to your family, make sure you follow through on them. This will show you’re committed to rebuilding trust and strengthening the relationship.

5. Give It Time. 

Rebuilding trust takes time, so be patient and don’t rush the process. It may take some time for your family to trust you again fully, but with consistency and effort, you can rebuild the relationship.

End of the Line

Family is the backbone of our lives, providing us with support, comfort, and love. But when your own family turns against you, it can feel like the ground beneath your feet has disappeared.

It’s an incredibly painful experience that can leave you feeling lost, hurt, and alone.

However, it’s important to remember that family conflicts are common and aren’t the end of the world.

By following the steps outlined in this post, you can take proactive steps to repair your relationship with your family.

Whether it’s taking the time to calm down and assess the situation, understanding why your family may be against you, or working to rebuild trust, there are ways to repair and strengthen your family bond.

Don’t just lose hope yet. 

I know you got this, dear!

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