Why Am I So Mean to My Boyfriend? (12 Reasons + Fixes!)

Updated On: July 26, 2023

“Why am I so mean to my boyfriend?” Uncover the shocking truth behind your behavior and learn what you can do to change it!


Why am I so mean to my boyfriend.

“Why am I so mean to my boyfriend?” 

If you have opened this article, this question is battling inside your mind.

Love is the best emotion, and a relationship with a wonderful person justifies the term. You want to be happy with your partner, craft amazing dreams with them, and fulfill goals together. 

If that’s the case, why are you being mean to them? What’s wrong between you two pushing you to be rough on your beloved? That’s what we’ll examine in this blog.

So, sit back and relax! Let me take you through the possible reasons you’re mean to your boyfriend and the essential ways you can control it. 

Why Am I So Mean to My Boyfriend (12 Possible Reasons +What to Do) 

Human nature is unique, beautiful and complicated. Sometimes, it does things beyond explanation. Being mean to your boyfriend might lack logic. Still, I have tried jotting down the possible reasons behind it.

1. You Want to See if He Makes an Effort.

A girl trying to gauge if her boyfriend makes an effort.

It might sound a bit childish. But, sometimes, childish activities portray how desperately you’re in love. You might not mean it from your heart, but the intense desperation in your heart makes you do such things. 

I feel shy saying this, but this share is necessary. During my early dating period with Ankit, I’d often be mean to him. A few things included:

  • Deleting his number. 
  • Controlling my urge to text him back.
  • Acting odd. 

Not because I didn’t love him but because I was desperately seeking his attention and wanted to see if he’d try to stay in touch. 

Trust me, dear; this isn’t cool. Instead, it would often push the person away from you as they might feel you’re not giving them the attention they deserve.

What to Do?

I understand desperation. I know you’re trying to understand if your boyfriend is totally into you. But being mean doesn’t seem to be a great idea. 

Instead, act with empathy and care. Be yourself and try your best to make your guy feel better. In case some insecure thoughts are coming to your mind, communicate that to him instead of being rough with him. 

Give him enough reasons to fall for you a little extra daily. Trust me, dear, if he’s worth it, he’ll appreciate your behavior and make you feel better.

2. You’re Scared to Lose him.

Loving someone encourages you to dream with them, framing a beautiful picture and imagining how happy you’ll be with him. 

And then suddenly, your past trauma lightens up, leaving you insecure: What if they leave you and all your dreams are shattered?

Out of that fear, you might start getting mean with your boyfriend. Constant thoughts of betrayal haunt your mind, and you start believing they’ll do precisely the same with you as your ex-partner did. 

I didn’t have this issue with Ankit, but I have seen a few of my friends suffering through this. 

What to Do?

See, my dear. You can’t bleed on people who had nothing to do with your past. Instead of being hard on your boyfriend, try spending cozier times with him. 

When something bothers you, communicate that to him. Kindness and clear communication go a long way. Remember to preserve the beautiful thing you have in your life and not ruin it for something that happened in the past. 

3. You’re in Too Much Stress.

A lady who's in too much stress.

One of the prominent reasons you’re mean to your boyfriend could be out of stress. There’s too much in your life, whether academics, professional, or family. You’re frustrated and taking that out on him. 

Cool down and think. Is that a good thing to do? Love is rare, and you choose to be tough on the person who loves you. Are you inviting any good for yourself? 

Again, this isn’t something I faced with Ankit, but my cousin Sunidhi had been through something similar. Once, she was loaded with office work and would often be stressed. She would take that out on her boyfriend. 

It’s good they coped with it and sorted it for a better time together.

What to Do?

Life can be stressful sometimes. You might feel lost or anxious and, amidst the stress, start being mean to your boyfriend. That won’t serve any purpose, and doing that you’ll only make him pull away from you.

If you need time, let him know respectfully. Both of you must have peace in each other’s company. Try to maintain that.

4. You Haven’t Met Him in Days.

When you love someone, you crave them both mentally and physically.

It’s not always about sex, but spending sweet and cozy moments with them is enough to make your day. It can ruin your mood if that’s not happening for a long time. 

With adulthood comes tons of responsibilities and engagements. In that case, the regular meet-ups might convert to weekly or monthly meets. That’s disgusting, and that’s why you might be mean to your boyfriend. 

Coming to my story. Due to Ankit’s and my busy schedules, we often miss our meet-ups, and most plans are moved to the postponed list. 

It spoils my day, and I start being mean to him. Yes, I know I could handle better. The moment this realization hits me, I am back to normal. 

What to Do?

See, my dear. I understand the urge to be with your loved ones and spend precious moments with them. But, professional or academic engagements are essential too as that shape the career

A fantastic future awaits you if you pass this phase with flying colors! 

Try making up the time in texts or a video call. Or, you can plan a surprise for your boyfriend for the next meeting. These little gestures keep the happiness intact between two love birds.

5. You’re Stuck in an Argument.

A girl who's still stuck in her past conflicts with her boyfriend.

You’re mean to your boyfriend lately with nothing specific. He is surprised to see your behavior, and you have no proper explanation for why you are behaving as such. 

One possible reason is that you’re still stuck in an old argument. 

Relationships aren’t free of quarrels, which may make them even more potent. 

It’s okay if you’re stuck in an old argument. What your boyfriend said to you that time or the subject of a quarrel might still be vivid in your mind. That makes you agitated, and you’re being mean to your boyfriend. 

This is yet another thing I relate to, even Ankit and me. We both had this bad habit of being stuck in an old argument and carrying it forward. We would be mean to each other unnecessarily, and that would piss off our relationship. 

Glad we have worked on it and are almost over this thing. 

What to Do?

If something’s on your mind, let him know that. 

Both of you are adults, and you must behave accordingly. Communicating what’s bothering you will open the doors to a healthy discussion, and you can sort it out mutually. 

Isn’t that a better thing to do rather than being mean to him and spoiling the beautiful equation you have?

6. You Need Some Space.

Another possible cause you’re mean to your boyfriend could be you need some space. You might be suffocated with too much on your plate and have hardly any time to invest in your hobbies and personal life. 

Meanwhile, your relationship is reminding you of yet another responsibility. All you want is some fresh air and space. You feel like you’re not having it enough and start being mean to him. 

Our loved ones comfort us, and we often think we can treat them as we like. But is that a good thing for your relationship? Your mental health is essential, and so is the other person’s. 

What to Do?

You’re lucky to have a loved one by your side in this world devoid of love. Rather than considering it as a responsibility, you should treat it as a gift. 

The moment you look at them this way, your mindset will change. You’ll start agreeing you didn’t have to be mean to them.

I know, dear, you know how important he is to you. Just don’t let the surrounding stress and frustration ruin your beautiful relationship with each other. 

7. Someone’s Trying to Manipulate You Against Them.

A girl trying to manipulate her friend against her boyfriend

There are often “wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing” around us. A sharp blow from them is enough to create a misunderstanding if you’re low on trust. 

One possible reason why you’re mean to your boyfriend could be that someone is trying to manipulate you against them. I relate this to my relationship, but I was the victim here. 

One of my mates talked badly about me to Ankit and wanted to influence him against me. Ankit was younger at that time and didn’t know how to react. Out of helplessness, he responded meanly to me. 

It took us days to sort things between ourselves and kick that person out of our lives. 

What to Do? 

You must protest if someone is trying to turn you against your partner. 

Your trust in your boyfriend matters, and your beautiful relationship matters too. Don’t let anyone else get in the picture and ruin it. 

Whenever you feel something is off, talk it directly to your boyfriend and not with someone else. Clear communication and transparency is the key to a lasting relationship

8. Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Reciprocate.

Now, let’s look at the other side of the coin. You constantly feel that you’re too good with your boyfriend but receive very little reciprocation for your efforts. That realization is pissing you off, and you’re mean to your boyfriend. 

It’s no problem that you want to feel loved. You love it when your efforts are reciprocated, and your boyfriend appreciates whatever you do for him. This desire is nothing unusual, and you have the full right to expect it from your partner. 

If he is not returning the same, it may be time to initiate a conversation and discuss if something is wrong. I haven’t ever faced this issue with Ankit because we have always appreciated each other. 

But many couples go through the same, and you might be one of them too. 

What to Do? 

To avoid long-term pain, it’s better to clear things up first. 

If you find your guy being cold lately or not returning your efforts, try having a discussion first. 

Ask him if he’s okay or if anything is wrong, if you can help him somehow. If your boyfriend is deliberate with this “no-effort” thing, maybe it’s time to rethink your decision to be with him. 

However, if your boyfriend is introverted and not very good at expressing himself, unfortunately, you can’t force him to be expressive.

9. Things Aren’t Working.

Another possible cause you’re being mean to your boyfriend might be simply because things aren’t working. 

You have given it your all, but you see no ray of hope. It can be a mismatch of intellect, lack of communication, developing disinterest, or anything. 

All these reasons bother you, and you can’t help but be mean to your boyfriend.

As a result, there are more fights and arguments with significantly less peace in each other’s company. As I have said earlier, a relationship must be your peace and comfort zone; anything less is beyond tolerance. 

There might be possible consequences to such a scenario, and you have to be very thoughtful with the steps you take because that involves the future of two individuals. 

What to Do?

If you feel things aren’t working or there’s a mismatch in wavelength, communicate that to your boyfriend. 

Meeting in a cafe or the place where you first met regenerates the spark. See if they return the same enthusiasm and effort to stick with you. 

If you see him equally energetic about it, you two must work on the ongoing issues and secure your future. If not, maybe it’s time to call it quits with him.  

10. You’re Jealous. 

A girl who's jealous of her boyfriend.

Okay, this sounds immature, but that’s what love is. It’s a scintillating mix of mature, immature, exemplary, and destructive emotions

One of the reasons you’re being mean to your boyfriend is your jealousy of seeing him with anyone else. Let me elaborate on this part. 

Consider it my immaturity; I’d often be jealous when Ankit was with his female friends or being nice to them. I’d mistake it as he’s flirting with them and would get mad. 

However, this behavior is toxic to some extent and doesn’t benefit your relationship in the long run.

I’d had a problem understanding it at first, but with time I learned to control the unwanted thoughts in my mind. Thanks to us, we are happy together now. 

What to Do?

Feeling a little insecure about your loved one can be logical sometimes, but too much of it hampers the relationship! 

You expect him to respect the friendships in your life. Similarly, you must respect his friendships too. You must see the intricate difference between being nice to someone and being flirty

Trust me, dear. It’ll solve a lot of problems. 

11. You Have Low Self-Confidence.

Low self-confidence can be another cause you’re mean to your boyfriend. There can be several reasons behind this, such as a disturbed childhood, bitter memories in school, lack of support, or anything. 

You see him doing a thing with great confidence, whereas you suck at it. That triggers your emotions, and you start thinking of yourself in a lower position. And this feeling provokes you to be mean to your boyfriend. 

This isn’t really something I’ve faced, but I can’t overlook how many couples have been victims of this issue. 

What to Do?

Practicing self-care is the first step towards improving your confidence. Take your time, be yourself, and appreciate yourself for how you are. 

Discuss with your partner how he can help you through the process. If they love you, they’ll do anything to make you feel better. 

12. You Want Him to Be Like Someone.

You have an imaginative ‘ideal‘ figure in your mind and want your boyfriend to be like that. That might not be happening, and that’s why you’re being mean to him. 

Well, think slowly. Is that a great idea? Don’t you love him for precisely the way he is? If yes, why would you want them to be like someone or something else they’re not? 

One of my college mates, Ruhi, did something similar. She loved her boyfriend dearly but often pressured him to be something else. She would even draw a comparison at times. This created a lot of battles between them. 

Thank God Ruhi corrected her mistakes, and they’re happily ENGAGED now. Else, it would have just been another break-up story. 

What to Do?

See, my dear. First, you must understand that you loved your boyfriend for their own personality and not for any resemblance. If you didn’t, was it really love? 

Life is hard already. To make things a little easier, try not to be mean to him and make him something outside his personality. It will ease the equation for you both, and you’ll have a wonderful time. 

If you’re still unable to make peace with it, you’re yet to understand the concept of love.

Wrapping Up

With that, we conclude this post about the possible reasons you’re being mean to your boyfriend. 

Relationships are beautiful and must be nurtured with delicate care and attention. A wrong step is enough to leave two people shattered and heartbroken, and I don’t want that to happen to you. 

So, my dear, give yourself some time and try to have the most out of your fantastic relationship!

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