7 Tips to Make Friends as an Adult (From a Pro!)

“Why don’t you shift with the same people? You’ve lived with them for two years! It will be really difficult for you to shift with new faces and make new friends…“

My mother to her 26-year-old daughter, me.

And she wasn’t wrong…was she? It is so difficult to make friends as an adult! Ugh.

Of all the things that suck being an adult, I think the awkwardness we feel while talking to another person tops it all. 

Imagine two people sitting on a train. The journey is long. They’re both going to the same station. Yet, rather than preferring to overcome the boredom by making a new friend and having a companion on the way, we retort to our phones.

We’d listen to songs, watch something on our phones, and maybe even look out of the window but talk to a co-passenger. Na-da. 

When I planned on shifting and going my separate way away from my friends, I was skeptical of it, too. Meeting new people, making them my home, and coming back to new faces was all too much.

But then, my friend said, “Nush, it won’t be a problem for you. You’re too good at making friends!” And you know what? To think of it, she was actually right.

I have always been solid at making friends. You leave me in a room full of strangers, and I’ll be able to tell you the stories of each one of them.

That’s how equipped I am in making people feel comfortable and warm. 

So, if you’re also looking for the answer to how to make friends as an adult, worry not. Your search has come to an end today itself.

I am not a professional but a Pro? Well, you’re about to know that after reading this article.

1. Assumptions Are Good (Sometimes)

We all always assume the worst, don’t we?

Every situation has two outcomes. But being the type of people we are, our mind will always go to the worst of the two, won’t it?

Well, those are the assumptions we need to stray away from. 🙂 

But do you know what the assumptions are that help make friends?

“I am likable.”
“People like me.”
“I am fun to be with.”

See, as humans, our first and foremost fear is rejection. The reason why we do not take the first step is because we fear being rejected. 

We already reject ourselves internally; hence, we do not approach people in front of us.

This is precisely what we need to change.

Tell yourself that you’re liked. Assume that people like you. This will help you bridge the gap between your fear and the reality.

When we assume that we’re going to be rejected, we often withdraw and close ourselves. This actually increases our chances of being rejected significantly.

Hence, go ahead and be yourself, loosen up, put up a smile, and tell yourself, “I am liked!”

2. Take The First Step

You have some time, don’t you? Then let me tell you a little story.

I went on my first-ever solo trip to Jaipur in January. The Jaipur Literature Festival, a place I have always dreamt of going.

But I was so clueless. Being in a different city for the first time, and being in a festival all by myself for the first time was so overwhelming.

The first day went fine. I met people and had short conversations. My sole focus was on the sessions I wanted to attend.

The second day, I felt lonely. I wanted to get out and explore the city since I had no one.

But then, while searching for water, I met a girl and started talking to her. I met her friend and her friend’s friends, and suddenly, before I knew it, I had an entire gang to hang out with in Jaipur for the next few days.

They made me explore Jaipur and took me out on all the days in all the unexplored places.

Imagine, my one initiative to talk to strangers gave me one of the best trips of my life.

This is what I mean when I say take the first step.
Had I not approached them myself and talked, I’d have probably told everyone that yeah, Jaipur was fine but bland.

But because I had shown the courage to go and talk, trust me, the stories from that trip are so many and so interesting that I cannot even express them in simple words.

3. Have a Growth Mindset

From every phase of my life, I have a best friend.

From my school, from my college, from my workplace, and every single place.

But, after school, it was tough to make friends. I had left my hometown and came to a different city. A city where I knew no one.

The only way to release all my day’s frustration and happenings was to go on a call with my long-distance best friend.

You see, we as humans change in every sphere of our lives. But more often than not, we’re not ready to face or accept that change.

When we choose to make friends, we also choose to be open to growth in that particular phase of our lives.

Every person in our lives is here to teach us something. Accepting the fact that we’re growing older and will need more people than the ones we have makes all the difference because then we’re opening up and letting people in.

Tell me, what is a better way of indicating growth than the act of letting go and learning to accept?

To make new friends, we need to have a growth mindset and vice-versa.

4. Get Out There

I mean, really!

Get out of your comfort zone and make friends.

No, I do not mean that you go out to party every day and live a nonchalant life.

But, once in a while is good.

I have gone out for salsa nights and done Bollywood dances with people I met that night. That feeling of vibing with strangers, that thrill, is unmatched.

If you don’t like partying, no worries. Join clubs. If you’re reading this long article, I am sure you’re an ardent reader. Why not join book clubs?

There are so many people who are coming up with group activities where strangers go, sit, and talk. They eat and drink together and have a really nice time.

Join places where you can find like-minded people, and trust me, you’ll thank me later. 

5. Efforts Can Go A Long Way

See, the reason why I did not shift with my friends was because I wanted to focus on my career.
And I knew if I stayed with people who were part of my comfort zone, my grit and determination would not come out as strongly as they should.

So, I decided to move out and shift with new people.

Why? Because this would not only give me more people to add to my contact list but also expand my circle and mindset.

We see a lot of similar faces on a daily basis, whether at work, in our neighborhood, or even on the same bus or metros that we take to commute every day.

Why don’t you try and get out there once?
Throw yourself out there.
Talk to people.

You cannot achieve anything without putting in the effort.

The job that you’re doing currently or even the friends you have in your life since childhood, you didn’t get anything without putting in effort or taking the first step, right?

Then why are you so skeptical now?

As adults, we’re mature enough to know the kind of people we want to be associated with.

Then why aren’t you exploiting that and actually making an effort?

Trust me, this is the best way to make friends as an adult.

6. What is Covert Avoidance?

Something which I did on the first day of my Jaipur trip and something that you’ve been doing for a very long time.

Let me explain:

You got yourself out of your bed and took yourself to a club or a gathering with the intent to mingle with more and more people; you took the initiative and made the effort. Kudos! Proud of you.

But then, once you reached there, you dissociated yourself.

How? You got on your phone and went absolutely absent from whatever was happening around you.

Happened to you, hasn’t it?

Covert Avoidance is when we are physically present somewhere, but our mind has completely switched off to the current place, and we disengage mentally. 

How can we avoid it? By making conscious choices.

It can be as simple as saying hi and making small talk with someone who seems approachable enough to you. 

Ask them about their day, seem interested in what they have to say.

This won’t just make them feel good but you as well.

7. Try Being Vulnerable

You can be acquaintances with many.
But you know what is the difference between having multiple acquaintances and having a few good friends?

The mere word: Vulnerability.

We all have flaws, some of which are pretty big.

But do you know why my friends always say I am good at making friends? Because I am good at making other people comfortable.

How? By being vulnerable. By openly admitting my flaws and laughing about them.

At a karaoke night, I admitted I am a really pathetic singer, but that didn’t stop me from singing.

We all had a great laugh at my session, and believe me, I made three new friends that day who, ironically enough, always wanted to take me out for karaoke nights only. 😂

The point is that we all feel we have to be perfect for someone to admit that they want to be friends with us.

But in reality, it is quite the opposite.

We don’t need to be perfect.
We need to be honest.

When we openly reveal our true selves and become vulnerable, we also give the other person the same space to be vulnerable with us. 

And that instantly bridges the gap between being acquaintances and friends. Because instantly, a connection is made.

We all have flaws. Real friends acknowledge and accept that.

There’s this quote by one of the most famous writers, which I would want you to read as well:

Hence (if you will not misunderstand me) the exquisite arbitrariness and irresponsibility of this love. I have no duty to be anyone’s Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.

~C.S. Lewis

End of the Line

You see, I have heard people come up to me and say, “Who needs friends? I am enough for myself. My focus is just me and no one else.”

Those same people always have a longing in their eyes whenever they see other people spending time with their friends.

Friendship is actually the one resort to surviving this beautifully disastrous experience called life.

Having to make friends as an adult is a beautiful experience. You know why?

Because you get to see how much you’ve also changed as a person. How much do your criteria for having people in your life differ now from when you were a little kid.

Every friend has a meaning. Some are there for your growth, others to always be a listening partner, and others just to lighten up your mood by their mere existence.

I always believe that when you have people around you to support you and tell you you’re not alone, life becomes easy, and growth becomes tenfold.

So yes, be yourself. Go out there and make friends. Trust me, you won’t regret it one bit.

Write to me if you follow through.

Ciao. 👋