“So, how was your day?”
“Fine.”
“What do you want for dinner?”
“I don’t care. Whatever.”
And just like that, another day passes away when you don’t actually connect with the person you love.
Last week, I asked my girlfriend, “What’s something unique about us that you haven’t seen in any other relationship?” What I expected to be a quick answer turned into a two-hour conversation that left us feeling extremely grateful for each other.
This is what I feel: Most couples aren’t having boring conversations because they’re boring people. They’re just asking boring questions.
That’s why I’ve put together this list of 40 relationship check-in questions. They’ll help you skip past the small talk and open doors to conversations that actually matter.
The Only Relationship Check-In Questions You’ll Ever Need
1
When did you feel most understood by me recently?
2
What’s something I did lately that made you feel especially cared for?
3
How have you noticed yourself changing through our relationship?
5
What’s a recent moment when you felt particularly safe with me?
6
How can I better support what matters to you right now?
7
What’s something you’ve been thinking about but haven’t mentioned to me?
9
What’s something about us that still pleasantly surprises you?
10
How have your hopes for our relationship evolved since we first met?
12
What’s something difficult you’re facing that I might not fully see?
13
When was the last time you felt truly playful with me?
14
What’s one way we’ve grown stronger through a challenge?
15
What’s something I may have misinterpreted about your needs lately?
16
How has your definition of ‘us’ changed since we began?
17
How do you feel about the pace of our relationship right now?
18
Is there a boundary you need that you haven’t expressed?
19
What’s a simple pleasure we’ve overlooked that you’d like to explore together?
20
What makes you feel most appreciated in this relationship?
21
Where do you think we complement each other best?
22
What’s something you’ve learned about yourself through my eyes?
23
How do you think we’ve changed each other?
24
How do you feel we’ve grown in resolving conflicts together?
26
What’s a fear you have about us that you haven’t fully shared?
27
Where could we create more lightness or playfulness together?
28
How do you feel about the balance of giving and receiving between us?
30
What’s a meaningful memory we’ve created that you often think about?
31
How do you feel about the space we give each other to be individuals?
32
How do you feel about our physical connection lately?
33
What’s a conversation we’ve had that changed your perspective?
34
What’s something you wish we’d make more time for?
35
How has your understanding of compromise evolved through our relationship?
36
What’s an aspect of myself I might not see that you value deeply?
37
What’s a future milestone you’re looking forward to experiencing together?
38
What’s something you hope never changes about us?
38
What’s something you hope never changes about us?
40
How do you feel our relationship influences your other connections?
