12 Eye-Opening Signs You’re Chasing Him (& How to Stop)

Hey girl, let’s talk. I see you there, always reaching for your phone, your smile fading a little each time it’s not him. I know that look because I’ve worn it too.

A few years ago, I was caught in a chase and I didn’t even realize it. His name was George, and I thought I was just showing interest. Turns out, I was the only one putting all the efforts.

Remember feeling like you’re always the one making plans? Or overanalyzing his every text (or lack thereof)? That pit in your stomach when you see him online but he hasn’t replied to you? Yeah, I’ve been there too.

If you’re nodding along, thinking, “This is me,” then take a deep breath. We’re about to read the 12 signs that you might be chasing him – signs I wish someone had pointed out to me back then.

How to Tell if You’re Chasing Him? 12 Clues

1. You Always Initiate the Conversation.

Yes, I heard it. You just let out a huge sigh, right? You now suddenly remember that you’re the only one wanting to talk with him. You’re the only one sending memes, replying to his stories, or sending a casual “Hi” his way. 

I did the same with my ex, James. I just wanted a reason to talk to him. Sometimes, even when there was no real reason to contact him, I would still hit him up. 

Days turned into weeks, and I noticed I was always the one taking the first step. It was like I was driving the conversation, and he was simply enjoying it.

I then decided to pause for a while. No messages, no calls from my side. I did this for a few weeks. And I could hear nothing but crickets! 

So, my question to you is: Do you see yourself in my shoes? If yes, my dear, you’re definitely chasing him!

2. His Delayed Replies Frustrate You.

Okay, let me guess, you guys started talking. Everything seemed fine, but now you’re noticing a little hitch in his texting groove – he is the king of late replies!

And I’m sure, at first, it was just a slow response here and there. But now, the waiting game has become a regular occurrence. You send a message, and it feels like you’re waiting for a pizza delivery in the age of instant noodles. 

So now you’re always filled with frustration. You refresh your messages like a webpage stuck in loading mode, don’t you? And I’m sure you’ve checked your phone before reading this blog to see if he has texted! 🙂

These actions say that you’re definitely chasing him.

3. You Stalk His Social Media and Get Mad at Him When You Find Something Suspicious.

This is something I did a lot when I was chasing George. I would spend hours on social media inspecting his every move. 

I started scrolling through his posts, likes, and comments. Not just that, I also began keeping tabs on who he was following. Every time I saw the number increase, I quickly narrowed it down to the person he had recently followed. It’s like I didn’t care about anything else. I just wanted to know what’s going on in his life. 

Yes, talk about being crazy! 

And that’s when I realized that I was pursuing him really hard! 

So, my dear, if you’re scrutinizing the guy’s posts, analyzing his comments, and putting on your detective hat, you’re falling into a rabbit hole. 

This is chasing 101!

4. You Push Him to Spend More Time With You.

Okay, forget about the official dates. You can’t even get the guy to spend time with you as a friend.

I remember constantly fighting with George about this. Meeting him, even for a cup of coffee, would take a lot of convincing and pushing from my side. 

And every time I asked why he couldn’t spend time with me, he’d give me the same lame excuse – “I’m busy.”

You see, I had to force him to meet me. That’s a classic sign of chasing someone. 

So, ask yourself, are you doing the same thing? Do you suggest hanging out more often, and all you get in return is some weird, made-up excuse to cancel the plan? If so, you’re definitely chasing him like a bull chasing a red flag.

5. You Keep Asking Him Out on Dates.

You’re throwing out date ideas like a special dinner, an outing, or trying out the new ice cream place in town. And what do you get in return?

“Umm, idk, maybe next time?”
“I have plans; raincheck, maybe?”
“I’m busy with work.”

So, if you find yourself doing this repeatedly, you’re pursuing him. A man who wants to go out on a date with you will either come up with plans or, at the very least, agree to your plans!

6. You’re Always Available to Him When He Needs You.

I already told you I have a lot to share regarding this topic. I’ll once again bring George into the picture. 

He often reached out to me when he needed someone to talk to or help with something. And regardless of my own commitments, I’d drop everything to be there for him. I was terrible at setting boundaries, so I would immediately respond, “I’m here for you. What’s going on?” 

So, I constantly rearranged my plans and made sacrifices to be available whenever he needed support.

See, Being there for someone you care about is essential. But, if you find that you’re always prioritizing his needs over yours without a reciprocal effort on his part, you are doing most of the heavy lifting. 

This means you’re neglecting your well-being and just running after him.

7. You Keep Asking Him About His Personal Life, But He Doesn’t Share Anything.

You talk to him casually. You frequently ask questions about his hobbies, family, or past experiences. 

You ask questions like “What do you like to do in your free time?” or “Tell me more about your family.” 

But, as soon as the conversation opens the door for him to share details about himself, he shuts it down and doesn’t provide much insight into his personal life.

You’re actively trying to engage him in conversation about his personal life, but his responses are brief. Sister, he’s not interested in you the way you want, which means you’re the one chasing him!

8. You Always Seek His Validation.

Are you overly dependent on the guy’s approval for your self-worth? Are you constantly fishing for his compliments? 

If yes, there’s a pretty good chance you’re going after him!

And that’s precisely what I did! I was about to get promoted at my last job and mentioned it to George. And instead of feeling content with my own success, I immediately sought his validation by saying, “I deserved to get promoted, don’t you think?”

And it happened quite a few times. I consistently looked up to him for validation in almost every aspect of my life. I was heavily dependent on his opinions to feel good about myself.

And do you know what the worst part was? I’d be disappointed if he disapproved of a few things. I constantly found myself insecure and feeling like I wasn’t good enough.

9. You Flirt With Him, But He Never Flirts Back.

Okay, let me guess. You playfully compliment the guy or make subtle, flirtatious remarks. But, instead of responding with a flirty comment or reciprocating the playful tone, he responds with a friendly but neutral comment.

When a guy is interested in you, you would see him playfully engage in flirtation, maybe offering a compliment in return or responding with a teasing remark. 

But, if he consistently responds with politeness or keeps the conversation on a platonic level, he may not be that interested in you.

Chasing someone involves consistently putting in effort without receiving similar signals of interest in return. And this lack of reciprocal flirtation could be a clear sign of such a dynamic.

10. You Keep Giving Him Chances.

Okay, so you managed to convince him to meet you. You suggested grabbing a cup of coffee or something at a spot. And he, with his laid-back attitude, replied, “Sure, why not?” 

Your excitement is brewing like a fresh espresso. But soon, you find yourself waiting alone at the café.

After an hour or so, you see a text pop up on your screen – “Hey, got caught up in something. Can we postpone?”

And you sigh, thinking, “Again?” Because it wasn’t the first time he pooped all over your plans. It has now become a recurring thing.

However, you still give him the benefit of the doubt. You plan movie nights, dinner plans, and even a casual walk in the park. But each time, his flakiness outshines your enthusiasm.

I feel you, sister, you feel helpless. The chase is getting bitter and bitter!

11. You Never Call Him Out on His Behavior.

Okay, so this guy is flakey, uninterested, and doesn’t try to include you in his life. 

But, instead of expressing your feelings or setting boundaries, you constantly downplay his behavior or make excuses for him.

I couldn’t call out George on his bullshit for one whole year! It had become a recurring pattern, but I couldn’t address it directly. I avoided difficult conversations and never held him accountable for his actions. I continued to communicate that his behavior was acceptable and that I was willing to tolerate it.

If you’re doing this, it’s indicative of chasing, as you prioritize keeping things smooth rather than asserting your own feelings and boundaries.

12. You Always Ask Him About Where This Relationship Is Going.

After spending a significant amount of time together and sharing personal moments, you still don’t have a clear label, do you?

Instead of openly discussing the direction of the relationship, you regularly initiate conversations about where you both stand. You ask questions like, “Are we just friends, or is there something more?” or “Where do you see this going between us?”

In a healthy relationship, the progression and definition of the relationship are mutual and naturally evolve over time.

But, if your guy is not ready to define the relationship or avoids the conversation altogether, it means you are taking on the role of chasing him and seeking commitment that he is not readily providing.

How Can You Tell If He Enjoys Being Chased?

• He responds just enough to keep you interested, but never fully commits.
• He’s more attentive when you pull back or show interest in others.
• He likes the attention but avoids deep conversations about your relationship.
• He’s hot and cold – sometimes very responsive, other times distant.
• He enjoys your compliments and affection but rarely reciprocates.
• He keeps you around as an option but doesn’t make you a priority.

Is It Really Worth It If You Win Him After the Chase?

Let’s be honest. You’ve been chasing him, and maybe you’re thinking, “What if I finally win him over?”

But here’s the hard truth: even if you “win,” you might still lose.

If you’ve been doing all the work to get his attention, it probably won’t change once you’re together. You’ll likely keep putting in most of the effort, planning dates, and keeping the relationship alive. Meanwhile, he’ll coast along, maybe even taking you for granted.

Over time, you’ll probably feel resentful. The balance of power will be off, with him having the upper hand. It’s hard to build a healthy, equal partnership on that foundation.

Here’s the thing: true love shouldn’t feel like a chase. It shouldn’t leave you exhausted and questioning your worth. Real, lasting love is when both people are equally invested and excited.

So ask yourself: do you want to win a guy, or do you want to find true love? They’re not always the same thing.

How to Stop Chasing Him?

Let’s face it – chasing a guy who’s not putting in the effort is exhausting. I know because I’ve been there with George. The constant texting, the social media stalking, the rearranging of plans just to see him. It’s a lot, and it’s time to stop.

First, put your phone down. I mean it. No more initiating texts, no more double-tapping his Instagram posts, no more “accidentally” bumping into him at his favorite coffee shop. It’s hard, I know. But trust me, it gets easier.

Next, fill that time with something else. Remember that painting class you’ve been meaning to take? Or that book you’ve been wanting to read? Do it now. When I stopped chasing George, I rediscovered my love for cooking. Turns out, I make a crazy pasta.

Next, when he does reach out (and he probably will), don’t drop everything to respond. Take your time. Live your life. If you’re busy, tell him you’re busy. No need to explain why or reschedule.

The goal isn’t to play hard to get. It’s to actually be less available – because you’re focusing on yourself. When I started doing this, I realized something important: I didn’t actually miss George as much as I thought I would. And that’s when I knew it was time to move on.

Remember, a guy who’s truly interested won’t make you chase him. He’ll meet you halfway. So stop running, catch your breath, and let him come to you. If he doesn’t, well, you’ll be too busy living your best life to notice.

Wrapping Up

Alright, girl, let’s wrap this up!

Listen, you’re not a dog chasing a car, and he’s not a treat you need to beg for. You’re a queen, and queens don’t chase – they attract.

So, put down that phone, stop overthinking his every move, and start living your best life. The right guy? He’ll notice. He’ll make an effort. And my dear, he won’t make you run after him.

You deserve someone who’s just as excited about you as you are about them. So go out there and find your equal.

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