13 Signs You’re the Problem in Your Relationship (+Quiz)

First of all, congratulations on being in a relationship! (it’s very rare these days, lol). But I’m happy for you.

Since you clicked on this blog, I’m sure this question has been running through your mind: “Am I the problem in my relationship? Am I sabotaging it?”

Well, relax. Your attempt to determine if that’s the case means you care about your partner, which is definitely a good sign. It’s just that you have a few doubts in your mind.

But don’t worry, because I’m here to help you out! I have listed 13 signs you might be causing the problems in your relationship. Plus, there’s an interactive quiz in between those signs. So, let’s get started right away, shall we?

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How to Tell if You’re the Toxic One in the Relationship? 13 Signs

1. You Always Break Up Over Trivial Matters.

Okay, this one feels personal! 

My relationship with James started on rocky grounds, maybe because we have very different personalities. We just couldn’t see eye to eye on many things, which would frustrate me to the core. 

Even a minor slip from his side would trigger me to break up with him. It’s funny to even think about it, but I once broke up with him because he refused to meet me one day, haha!

But jokes aside, it’s pretty annoying when your partner threatens to end the relationship over something insignificant. So, if you’re someone who does that constantly, you could be the reason for relationship issues. 

See, it’s very common to have disagreements. But if these little things are causing you to hit the brakes on your entire relationship, you must ask yourself if it’s worth it!

Quick Tip: Try the “24-hour rule” – when you feel like breaking up, wait a full day before doing anything. Use this time to cool off and think things through. Most of the time, you’ll realize it isn’t worth ending things over.

2. You Stalk Their Social Media Activities.

You can’t resist the urge to extensively stalk your partner’s social media activities. What started innocently as a casual scroll through their posts has evolved into a more obsessive pattern, hasn’t it? 

You check their profiles multiple times daily, scroll through their friends’ list, and meticulously analyze every comment and like on their photos. 

I know your intentions are pure; You just want to stay connected and involved in their life. But the truth is that the line between genuine interest and intrusive behavior is blurring out.

Let me tell you this – you’re making your partner super uncomfortable by doing this! Nobody likes to be under constant surveillance, right? 

You need to start respecting their personal space, both online and offline. 

Quick Tip: Remember, what you see online isn’t the whole picture. So, learn to trust your partner and let things flow.

3. You Never Give Them Space.

Do you always expect your partner to call you as soon as they get off work? Constantly update you on their day-to-day activities? Or be around you all the time?

If yes, it could mean that you lack personal boundaries. 

See, personal space is an integral part of mental and emotional well-being. However, if you keep texting your partner, even with good intentions, it can ruin your relationship in the long run.

Maybe they want to have a pleasant time with themselves by reading a book or watching a movie. Or just sit by themselves to recharge. Robbing them of their independent time will only add to more frustration in your relationship. 

Quick Tip: Start respecting their boundaries. Remember, they have a life outside your relationship. When they’re with friends or family, resist the urge to check in constantly. Trust that they’ll share important things with you later. Your relationship will grow stronger when you both feel free to be individuals.

4. You Always Jump to Conclusions.

So, your partner said something, and suddenly, you’ve built this whole scenario in your head. You’re in the middle of a conversation, and BAM! You’ve already decided what they meant without really giving them a chance to explain. 

They didn’t pick up your phone? Wow, he’s ignoring me!
They took a while to reply to your messages? Great, he must be busy talking to that girl!

If you’re doing something like this, my dear, you’re making communication a bit tricky for your partner. 

I did this too, you know. I have this inherent habit of jumping to conclusions without talking to the person. That’s precisely how I became a problem in my relationship (I mean, it wasn’t entirely my fault, but I accept that I was responsible for my breakup, too!)

My dear, this kind of behavior can create tension and miscommunication in your relationship. 

Quick Tip: Pause before assuming the worst. Ask your partner directly about the situation instead of guessing. Give them a chance to explain – you might be surprised by the real reason behind their actions.

5. You Refuse to Compromise.

Let me bring James into the story again. He was a principled boy with solid convictions on specific aspects of life. Whether it was his career aspirations or personal values, he was very firm. I found that very inspiring, but it did strain our relationship.

I wanted him to be more flexible. I wanted a space where we could compromise on certain things. But sadly, I couldn’t change his mind.

Look. You don’t have to see compromise in a negative light. It simply means finding common ground where you honor both your perspectives. 

If you don’t show a little bit of flexibility in your relationship, it may not last forever. Your reluctance to compromise will only create frustration between both of you. 

Quick Tip: Next time you disagree, try to see things from your partner’s side. Start small, like pick one small thing to be flexible about – maybe where to eat or what movie to watch. It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about finding a middle ground that makes you both happy.

6. You Try to Control Everything.

From planning daily routines to making decisions about social events, you want to control every aspect of your relationship. And let me guess, you don’t even include your partner in your decisions.

See, I know you mean well. You’re just meticulous and want everything to be perfect. But, you know what’s funny? It doesn’t have to be perfect!

If you predetermine every move, you may suffocate your partner. Your need to control everything will eventually drive your partner away. Nobody wants to have their whole life planned! And, just think about it – is it even fun to be meticulous all the time? 

Your relationship can only bloom when you allow space for individual growth and shared decision-making. Your partner is very much a part of this relationship, as you are, right? 

Quick Tip: Let go of the reins a bit. Start small – ask your partner to plan your next date night. Don’t micromanage it, just go with the flow and enjoy.

7. You Expect Them to Know Everything.

You assume your partner should intuitively understand your emotions without explicit communication or direct expression. If you’re silent, you expect them to decipher your bad mood. You expect them to be a mind-reader. So, if you’re feeling sad, frustrated, or angry, they should just know, right? 

No, my dear, it doesn’t work like that. If you’re someone like this, you may be straining your relationship. 

See, it’s not that they lack care or love; it’s just that human emotions are complex and confusing. It’s not about not wanting to know. You just need to create a space for shared vulnerability and verbalize what lies beneath your surface.

Quick Tip: Speak up about your feelings instead of expecting your partner to guess. If you’re upset, say “I’m feeling sad because…” or “I’m frustrated that…”. Clear communication will save you both a lot of headaches.

8. You’re Always Suspicious of Their Actions.

You’re deeply in love with your partner. But you’re grappling with this sense of doubt and suspicion that doesn’t disappear. 

The once-solid foundation of trust is now shaky. So much so, that even the simplest of their actions cast a shadow of doubt over you. 

A delayed response to a text or a plan change triggers a series of uneasy thoughts in your mind. 

My dear, this will soon take a toll on your relationship. Your partner can’t always walk on eggshells around you, right? They can’t always be under the scrutiny of your doubts.

So, you need to confront and overcome your insecurities, whatever they may be. If you leave this unaddressed, it will erode your relationship in no time. And you certainly don’t want that!

Quick Tip: Challenge your suspicious thoughts. When you feel doubt creeping in, ask yourself, “What’s the evidence?” Often, there’s a simple explanation. If something’s really bothering you, talk to your partner openly.

9. You Never Take ‘No’ for an Answer.

You’re adamant and stubborn to accept refusals. During a disagreement, your partner may express a different viewpoint, but you continue to argue without acknowledging their perspective. 

Or when they decline a romantic gesture or proposal, you persist in trying to change their mind rather than respecting their decision.

This “I-don’t-take-no-for-an-answer” behavior will only lead to more and more disagreements and arguments in your relationship!

You need to learn to respect your partner’s boundaries. You could have a clean heart and the best intentions, but being so stubborn will cause your relationship to fizzle out.

Quick Tip: Accept “no” as a valid and necessary part of a healthy relationship. Love thrives only when both partners feel heard and understood. 

10. You Blow Things Out of Proportion.

You overhear your partner making a casual, offhand comment about being busy at work this week. So, instead of understanding their hectic work schedule, you assume they’re avoiding you or losing interest in the relationship. 

Your partner arrives a little late to your planned dinner date. So, you interpret their delay as a sign of disrespect or lack of commitment, which sparks a heated argument.

Sounds familiar?

Exaggerating things unnecessarily can only worsen your relationship. There’s a limit to how much a person can handle conflicts and resentment, right? 

Quick Tip: Okay, take a deep breath! Next time you feel like you’re about to explode over something small, pause for a sec. Ask yourself, “Will this matter tomorrow?” If not, let it slide. Try to laugh it off – maybe even make a silly joke about it.

11. You Hold Grudges.

Your partner made a mistake in the past that deeply hurt you. Despite their sincere apology, you find it challenging to let go of the hurt. So now, with every disagreement, you keep bringing that up.

My friend, if you keep holding onto grudges, it can transform the narrative of your relationship. You both will be stuck in this cycle of hurt, apology, and repeated resentment.

Quick Tip: Next time you’re tempted to bring up old hurts, stop and ask yourself, “Does holding onto this make me happy?” Your answer would be: It doesn’t! Instead, try writing down what’s bothering you, then rip up the paper. It’s super therapeutic!

12. You Never Apologize First.

Is saying ‘sorry’ first difficult for you? Is your partner always the one trying to make things right after a fight?

If so, you might actually be the problem in your relationship.

Trust me on this one. Saying sorry first could help you feel better sooner. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a way to make your love stronger.

So, the next time you disagree, try to break this habit. Go to your partner and say sorry without waiting. It will make them happy. Watch the air between you feel lighter!

Quick Tip: Remember, apologizing doesn’t mean you’re wrong and they’re right. It just means you value your relationship more than your pride. Give it a try – you might be surprised how quickly the tension melts away!

13. You Never Talk Openly With Them.

You’re a bit shy, and sometimes, you like to keep your thoughts to yourself. You become quiet whenever your partner asks you questions or tries to have deep conversations.

Well, that’s actually bad for your relationship.

Let me tell you this: talking will only help you understand each other better and strengthen your relationship.

Share things that you’ve talked about before. Express yourself openly. Your partner would want to know more about what you’re thinking.

There’s no harm in freely discussing your dreams, goals, likes, and dislikes. The more you know each other, the better it’ll be for your relationship.

Quick Tip: Start small – share one thing about your day that you normally wouldn’t. It could be a funny thought you had or a small worry. Opening up might feel scary, but it’s like a muscle – the more you do it, the easier it gets!

How Can You Encourage Your Partner to Take Accountability for Their Behavior?

Okay, my dear, so you’ve done all this self-reflection (go you!), but what if your partner isn’t quite on the same page? Don’t worry, I’ve got your back!

1. Lead by Example: Show them how it’s done! Next time you mess up, own it. Say something like, “Hey, I realize I overreacted earlier. I’m sorry about that.” When they see you taking responsibility, they might just follow suit.

2. Use “I” Statements: Instead of saying, “You always do this!”, try “I feel hurt when this happens.” It’s less accusatory and more about expressing your feelings. Trust me, it makes a world of difference!

3. Praise Good Behavior: When your partner does take responsibility, acknowledge it! A simple “I really appreciate you owning up to that” can go a long way.

4. Have the Talk (But Make It Casual): Find a chill moment to bring it up. Maybe over coffee or during a walk. Say something like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about our relationship. What do you think we could both work on?” Keep it light and collaborative.

5. Be Patient: Your partner won’t change overnight. Give them time and space to grow. Remember, you’re a team!

Can Relationship Counselling Help You Become a Better Partner?

The answer is a big fat YES!

Look, we all need a little help sometimes. It’s like when your car makes a weird noise – you take it to a mechanic, right? Well, relationships can make weird noises too (metaphorically speaking, of course!).

Relationship counseling isn’t just for couples on the brink of a breakup. It’s for anyone who wants to be the best partner they can be. They teach you better ways to talk to your partner, handle those tricky emotions, and see things from their side. Trust me, it’s eye-opening stuff that can really change things for the better!

Now, if you’re wondering where to start, I’ve hear some great stuff about “Relationship Hero.” These folks offer online counseling, so you can get help from the comfort of your own couch. The best part? You can get a free 15-minute consultation consultation on your first session. Here’s the link.

Remember, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you care enough to want to do better. So why not give it a shot?

Conclusion

Hey there! We’ve reached the end of this blog. I hope you’ve analyzed every point and come to a conclusion. 

If you think you’re the one causing problems in your relationship, it’s the right time to adjust your behavior and solve the issues before things worsen.

Being in a relationship is a beautiful feeling. But it’s also a lot of work. You must keep asking yourself, “Am I contributing positively to the relationship?” every once in a while so that you can introspect and make the necessary choices to bloom your relationship.

You got this, dear!

FAQs